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I feel so alone and isolated; I know I do it to myself but I just can't find it in me to care. I know when I do this that I hurt the people who love me. It's not that I don't care, it's just that I don't care enough. I'm on medicine for this, why isn't it working? I'm horrible to people; I feel as though my inaction hurts everyone worse than anything I could ever do. Again, I don't care enough to change. My hypothesis: I'm to afraid to let people see the real me - I can't let people in or I will get hurt. I sometimes wonder if I really was trying to end it all int car accident, at least subconsciously - I'm too much of a pussy to ever do something that drastic on purpose. I mean, I've had fleeting "what if" thoughts before; but that's all they are fleeting thoughts. On another note, I crushed Sklyer by leaving the way that I did; with no goodbye or anything. I loved him once upon a time, or at least I thought I did. You can't live with someone for a year and a half and feel nothing. Unless I am the uuber bitch everyone used to say I am. Am I a horrible person? I'm never going to have anyone in my life if I keep isolating myself like this